How I lost my connection to desire, broke the loop of dependency, and built the vessel for sustainable bliss.

I didn’t know I was allowed to dream.

When I finished high school, I felt completely lost. I didn't know what I wanted. Somewhere along the way, I had lost my connection to my own desire completely.

From the age of 3 to 18, I danced every single day. This was my medicine, the thing I loved most in the world, and the foundation of my entire identity. Every time I danced, I felt powerful, alive, and electric.

But when I turned 18 and graduated, I had to part ways with my dance group. I made the choice not to pursue adult professional training or auditions, which meant I stopped dancing altogether.

Without realizing it, I had created a massive void. Dance was the primary tool I counted on to resource myself and align with who I really am. In that empty space, I fell hard—spiraling into constant anxiety and deep depression, eventually requiring anti-depressants just to survive.

The medication stabilized me enough to start taking tiny, fragile steps toward healing. I began exploring therapy, reading self-help books, and trying to find my way back.


🌀 The Turning of the Lights

Then, after five long years of a completely still body, I danced again.

This time, the dancing was entirely new. It was completely different from anything I had ever experienced before. In an instant, it connected me straight back to the core of who I really am—the version of me that had been lost from my sight for five years.

✨ It felt as if someone had finally turned the lights back on in a dark room, allowing me to see everything with crystal clarity.

My life shifted dramatically and rapidly after that sequence:


⚡ The Illusion of Dependency

But that wasn't the end of the journey.